Healthy Living Recipe of the Week

Here is Gertie Burbridge's Diet Double Fudge Milkshake recipe. You wouldn't believe all the rigamaroll I had to go through to get this. I thought I was literally gonna have to pry it outta that stubborn old woman's hands!

1 can Chocolate Royale Slim-Fast
3-5 large scoops Blue Bunny Chocolate Ice Cream
1 can sweetened condensed milk

Blend in blender til smooth and creamy. Drizzle with Hershey's Syrup if desired.

Wasola Walleye Weekend!

Tonight kicks off the annual Wasola Walleye Festival! The festivities start down at the fairgrounds at 8:00pm with a star-studded performance from the Stotler Brothers, a Statler Brothers tribute band.

In addition to the the joyful noise from the Stotlers, we will also have a cake walk, a quilt raffle, a hollerin contest, and line dancing. For the children, there will be a cow patty kickin contest, donkey rides, and puppets performing the Book of Job down at the Ladies Auxiliary booth.

This year we have also obtained a liquor permit much to the chagrin of the pastor's wife. Sometimes I wish that damn woman would get off her high horse! But anyway, please visit the VFW booth if you'd like an ice-cold can of Pabst. They will also be selling dixie cups of Arbor Mist for the ladies.

Tonight's celebration ends promptly at midnight, because everbody knows there ain't nothin open after midnight except a pair of loose legs! Tomorrow's walleye tournament will commence at 6am sharp. I would like to encourage everone to come down here and catch as many damn walleye as you can. Seriously folks, we have got to get these walleye out of the creek. They're killin all the carp!

Violence Erupts at Town Hall Meeting

Well, we didn't even get inside City Hall last night before the fist fight started. Unfortunately, them snooty California Jews showed up right about the same time as the Tranthums. That California woman got all up in everyone's face barking about property values and ordinances and what have you.

Well, you could tell old Virgie Tranthum had just about had it. Then all the sudden she balled up her fists and hauled off and knocked the daylights out of that old snoot. Lord, I don't know what happened after that. Alls I know is today the sheriff has a torn ligament and them California foreigners are threatening to sue us!

Town Meeting Tonight at City Hall

Don't forget about tonight's emergency meeting to discuss the sofa-swing in Virginia Tranthum's front yard. Personally, I don't know what all this fuss is about, but them people that moved here from Californa seem to think it's an eyesore. I guess they think just because they live in some fancy double-wide up on the hill that they can just march in and start bossin everbody around. Well I got news for them, they can't!

We will also be serving complimentary Nilla Wafers and Kool-Aid.

Live Traffic Update

- We have received several reports of cattle in the road near the Old Mullins farm on Country Line Rd., so be sure to watch out for stampeding heifers.

- Verna Simms has reported seeing colored people driving up and down her road for the second day in a row near the Wasola City Limits, so if you live near Wasola you might want to plan an alternate route.

- Traffic is backed up for about a quarter mile out on Hog Danger Rd, because Roberta Mackey is riding that damn lawnmower out in the middle of the road again. Sheriff Tackett is trying to flag her down, but she ain't wearing her hearing aid so that poor old thing can't hear nothin.

Recipe of the Week

Here is Rhonda Udall's delicious Hot Dog Salad recipe. This is perfect for a light lunch.

Hot Dog Salad

1 package chopped iceberg lettuce
1 package Hot Dogs
1 large block of Velveeta, cubed
1 bottle Ranch dressing
1 jar Mayonnaise

Cook hot dogs as directed. While hot dogs are cooking mix ranch dressing and mayo. After the hot dogs are done cut into bite sized pieces. Add hot dogs, Velveeta, and lettuce to mixture. Toss lightly.

Sprinkle with crunched up potato chips, if desired.

Sunday Service Round-Up

It was a tense week here after last Sunday's startling announcement that the Pentecostal, Church of Christ, Full Gospel, and Baptist Churches would all be condensed into one megachurch called the Folded Hands for His Glory Worship Center. Boy, don't that sound liberal? Well, I am happy to report that it was a raging success except for when Essie Hankins fell asleep and started snoring like a wild boar. I swear, if that damn woman can't keep her lips off the bottle long enough to come down here and worship the Lord then she should keep her ass at home. Bless her heart.

I personally did not care for the guest pastor this weekend. He kind of reminded me of Joel Osteen  Walkin around smiling at everyone like a hungry jackal. I was also a little taken back by the fact that this young man was wearing an audacious shade of pink. I don't trust men that act so fanciful, especially a supposed Man of the Lord? He must be a Unitarian or something, but we don't go for all that around here. Luckily, Pastor Dean said his kidney stones have passed so he will be back to preaching next Sunday.

He also wanted me to remind everyone about next Sunday's pot luck. He has confirmed that his lovely wife Patty will be making her famous Pineapple Ambrosia! I wish she'd give me that recipe. My ambrosia don't taste near as good as hers, but I think that's cause I use the off-brand whipped topping instead of real Cool Whip.