Sunday Service Round-Up

It was a tense week here after last Sunday's startling announcement that the Pentecostal, Church of Christ, Full Gospel, and Baptist Churches would all be condensed into one megachurch called the Folded Hands for His Glory Worship Center. Boy, don't that sound liberal? Well, I am happy to report that it was a raging success except for when Essie Hankins fell asleep and started snoring like a wild boar. I swear, if that damn woman can't keep her lips off the bottle long enough to come down here and worship the Lord then she should keep her ass at home. Bless her heart.

I personally did not care for the guest pastor this weekend. He kind of reminded me of Joel Osteen  Walkin around smiling at everyone like a hungry jackal. I was also a little taken back by the fact that this young man was wearing an audacious shade of pink. I don't trust men that act so fanciful, especially a supposed Man of the Lord? He must be a Unitarian or something, but we don't go for all that around here. Luckily, Pastor Dean said his kidney stones have passed so he will be back to preaching next Sunday.

He also wanted me to remind everyone about next Sunday's pot luck. He has confirmed that his lovely wife Patty will be making her famous Pineapple Ambrosia! I wish she'd give me that recipe. My ambrosia don't taste near as good as hers, but I think that's cause I use the off-brand whipped topping instead of real Cool Whip.